"I'm your Teddy".........

.... I swear you cant make this stuff up.

Sunday the 9th of September. Palms were sweaty, nicotine was consumed, nerves were rattled and somewhere, very quietly a mouse bit the dirt. As the sun split the stones I was amazed that 13 of the 15 Cash League Finalists showed up on time and we got the game of the summer underway. Yup three months sloggin away at the cash tables for the precious 50 hours finally came to fruition. The line up was as follows, in no particular order:

Hank the Tank, Shogun, The Hulk, Moaner Lisa, Roadkill, Bob the Builder, The Pushmeister (cheers for that one Santos), Old Father Time, Pinocchio, Jimmny Cricket, Bo Kent, The Ewok, Nancy (oy bitch!!! Where are my photos????), Teddy Ruxpin and Chicken Little.

The cream of the crop, best of the best, or just saddo's who had no lives and spent it all here. (Which we love ye for, in fact we miss ye. sniff sniff)

Yoda and myself were on hand to cause carnage and carnage we did indeed bring to the table. The first player out was old father time but we also lost Jimmny Cricket in the same hand! Old Father Time raised to 200 (blinds still 50/100), Teddy Ruxpin calls, Jimmny moves all in. Now it should be mentioned that my table was the tightest table known to man on this green earth. Old Father Time disappears into the tank and eventually moves all in as well. Jimmny has him covered, Teddy has them both covered and calls. Oi! Jimmny has pocket 10's, OFT has AJ suited in hearts and Teddy shows the cowboys. Flop comes King high and the others dont improve. Well thats a little lie, Jimmny did hit his set on the river but by then Teddy's army of Cowboys took control and shot everyone up.

I do believe Roadkill went next when his all in with a paired 10 on the flop was called by the Pushmeisters gutshot. No prizes for guessing whether he hit or his gutshot or not. Between the here and there of it we lost track of who went next as Elvis, the reigning Tournament League Champion decided to pay us mere mortals a visit. He perched himself on Bob the Builder's shoulder and became something of a good luck charm when the following conversation was overheard:

"Why are you sitting here?"
"I'm your good luck charm. You know the teddies that people bring to tournaments on telly. Well I'm your teddy."

Much scratching of heads and open mouthed-ness took place. "I'm your teddy". Well well well.
Before the final table we also lost Moaner Lisa and Pinocchio. Most people believe it was to Shogun who was performing his best impression of a hoover as he was sucking all the chips up.

Top four getting paid as follows:

1. €2,200
2. €1,300
3. €1,000
4. €500

A deal was struck where 4th now got €300 and 5th got €200.

The results of the final Table were as follows:

1. The Ewok
2. Nancy second Nuts
3. Shogun
4. Bo Kent
5. Bob the Builder
6. The Push Meister
7. Hank the Tank
8. The Sulk
9. Teddy Ruxpin
10. Chicken Little

Yes as you can see that was a Cahir Top four. Congrats to the lads and well played by everyone. Things got interesting in the top three when the following hand developed.

Shogun turns top two pair and Nancy turns top pair with a flush draw. Shogun's wondering how he's going to get paid and pushes. Nancy believes she's miles ahead and calls. She cant believe it when Shogun turns the two pair but the river rears its ugly clubbed head to give Nancy the flush. If you come to the club within the next few weeks you might still be able to make out the chalkline on the pavement from Shogun's exit. Eeeeeeep.

Heads up went as heads up usually do. Chips were passed, eyebrows were raised and many poker faces were displayed. The Ewok crippled Nancy when his 69spades flopped a flush against Nancy's A6hearts. The finishing had was as follows:

Ewok AJ Nancy Q10

Flop: 6,A,4

Turn: 4

River: 5

All over. Again congrats to the boys and send me on those Pics. Props to Chicken Little for being the onsite photographer. God knows how the photos are going to turn out. Mmmmmmmm spare ribs!

As most of ye might not know a new league started that very night and with The Gentleman, The Pushmeister, Shogun, Bo Kent, Bob the Builder and Sundry the game was absolutely nuts!! It started out its short life as a Holdem game, which turned into a Round of Each game which then evolved into an all Omaha game!!!! Madness??????? I think we swam through the pool of madness into the ocean of the ridiculous and drifted there for a while.

The game was going well until yours truly, after a wee little nap, took the dealers chair and apparently flopped the Pushmeister the nuts every hand. He ran riot over the table for, count em, seven hands. There was no beating him until Bob the Builder pushed with his house of sevens going up against Pushmeisters house of 10's. All was going as planned for the Pushmeister until the river came. Are you at all surprised that it brought the case seven? Maybe I shouldnt have naps before I deal anymore for there the game ended. Sniff sniff.

Anyhoo we are back to normal here at the K&K. Small bits of news:

New Cash League is already underway. Same structure as previous league.

Tournaments from next week will start at 9pm. No excuses.

Blonde Poker up and running in the Club by next Monday (pinkie swear)

So I think that about covers everything for now. I shall check over things and let ye know what the hissy haps is.

til then I bring you peace, love and the worst rivers you ever did see.

Love

Caboose

***Tip of the day: Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn for sega!

"Clonmel man raped by Granny"

Bi line reads “I had a two!!”

Most of ye will probably be baffled by this headline. Some won’t. For those of you who are currently scratching the ole noodle, let Caboose enlighten you. (It really does get worrying when the authors start referring to themselves in the third person. And in plural form. Oh dear) Anyhoo as most will know we had our second big (yup we have its baby brother on every Friday night at 9pm.) Scalp tournament on Sunday. We had 2 from Cork, 5 from Carlow, a few from Cahir, 1 loner from Carrick and quite a large contingent from Waterford. Clonmel seemed to be lacking in numbers. We’ll address that later. Hmm hmm. Anyhoo there were 22 runners for yet another enjoyable Scalp tourney and it was eventually taken down by one of the Big Slick Doozers. I like to call him the Fish but he gets upset over that so I will have to stop. Some call him Spud, others call him Smurf. I shall call him Caramon. (If anyone can put this one together then I will give you a cookie!) Top three were getting paid in the following structure.

1. €1,100
2. €660
3. €440

Needless to say a deal was done and €200 was going to go to fourth. Don’t forget those scalps either. They make a nice little cushion for the ole prize money. Indeed. The intrepid 4 were on a break and I said I would sit in to give Lina a break. Those of you who don’t know Lina or weren’t there on Sunday, tsk tsk. So we started back and it took me about 10 minutes to bring carnage to the table. In fairness though I said I would before I sat down. Cobra went in fourth, followed, in the very next hand, by Bo Kent/Clark Duke and it was down to Caramon and A-man-who-can-do-nothing-for-an-Avensis. At this point the delightful Lina took over and I missed the fricking last hand!!!!!! Booooo! I do know that Caramon took the victory, the prize money and the last Lingerie Catalogue.

While this massive skirmish was taking place on our tournament table a mighty cash game had developed quietly in the corner. It wasn’t to be quiet for long though. You’ll understand when you read the guest list. On this very table sat the following renowned players

Mary Poppins
Sideshow
The Diamond Cerebrum
Shogun
The Gentleman
The Cork Rock
The Sulk
Old Father Time
Teddy Ruxpin
Gearhead

Players dropped but the main line up didn’t really change. Hank the Tank sat in as did Jimmny Cricket and Bo Kent. I’ve said in the past that we’ve had some games up there but this was one of the best I had seen in months. Credit goes to all players who were involved. There were no problems and everyone was civil to everyone else and the game was much more enjoyable as a result. The crackers, scones, tea, coffee and soup miraculously stayed off the floor for the entire duration.

Mary Poppins was in attendance again and kept the whole table going as always. The Sulk was seated on her left and they got involved in quite a few pots together. Her name should technically be the River Queen after all the rivers she caught and naturally she caught them against the sulk. The tone of the game was so positive that he brushed it off and kept on playing. The immortal line, uttered by none other than the Sideshow, came when Mary Poppins hit the river against him for about the 5th time in as many hands.

The bi-line from above stems from this phenomenal cash game. It should come as no surprise to learn that Shogun was involved in this hand. I didn’t deal it so I don’t know who the other two individuals were. The action is checked to Shogun who bets. No shock there then. But wait, Clonmel’s favourite move, the Sandbag, hits. He’s raised. More sandbagging as this raise is reraised. Suspense, drama, kids wetting beds, sweaty palms, c’mon Hollywood’s got nuttin on these guys. Shogun folds. The initial Raiser folds. Conversation ensues. Whispers of a flush, or even a straight at least can be heard across the, by now very desert like, table. It is at this point Shogun very gracefully announces; “I had a two”. Jaws dropped, heads are scratched, confused kids who didn’t know whether or not they should have wet their beds or not go ahead and wet them anyway.

We did have another great feud on the table and I was going to devote a separate blog to it but I’m sick and stuck at home with no internet access so this is all you’re getting (sympathy votes!!!). I shall refer to it later.

Right then back to business. Prepare for the scolding. My sleeves are rolled up, my wooden spoon is at hand and I’m ready to deliver swift justice. “Wassssss he talkin’ aboot eh?” What am I talking about!!!???? Where the hell were ye!!!!??? We run these tournaments for ye! Our own players. I know two people who got back to me with work excuses and I know one was genuine as he has done very well in the big tournaments and was gutted when he got the wrong Sunday off. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy with the tournament. It was a great tournament and a great night in my eyes. The atmosphere was brilliant and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. I just wished that we had our own players there to egg on as well and that ye experienced a good day and night of solid poker. I love seeing ye do well and I love being able to brag to everyone that a local player went really far. So remember:

Sunday 16th September, 4pm!!!!!

That’s the next one.

Now I must slip into story telling mode (this requires caffeine, nicotine and of course Freddie blaring away in the background accompanied by James and a few more) I hope I do this justice. Anyone who actually is completely lost by what follows and needs an abridged version leave a comment and I shall dutifully respond.

......Er this thing is growing into a mini novel so I shall publish it at a later date. Snoogins.....

So thats it from me
Love

Caboose

***Tip of the day: when going to a poker tournament try and get the right week, let alone day.